i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
