I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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