I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
