I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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