I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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