I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
