when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
