She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
