I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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