left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
