she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
