if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
