I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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