i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
