So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
