I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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