Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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