we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
