i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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