Cold hands, warm shart.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
