I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
