I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
