I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
