Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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