Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
