I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
