I cannot find my penis.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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