i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
