everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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