separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
