Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're like the curious george of whores
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
