don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
