Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
