"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
