For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
