You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
