i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
