bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
