the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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