it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
