you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
