I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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