I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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