Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
