do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
