i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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