Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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