i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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