she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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