He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
