u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
birth control should be required to get into college
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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